It only gets harder.

Yesterday was four weeks.  One would think that a person's feelings would begin to subside.  Mine have only gotten stronger.  I miss her every minute of every day.  I continue to reach for my BB to text her when I see things, then I catch myself.  It is hell.  I always wonder what she's thinking.  I constantly wonder if she wonders what I'm thinking, what I'm doing, if I still love her.  It kills me to know that, if she does still love me, that she is in confusion and does not know how much I miss her.  She must feel so hurt and so abandoned.  Each day it gets harder and each day I take a step closer in resolve to be with her.  I care less each day about the repercussions.  Life is short.  Mine is running out. This becomes more heavy in my mind with each day.  I don't know why no one else can see my longing and my futility in my current life and my fear of time running out.  They all stick to their old, standard rules for relationships.  Each day I get closer.  It's so hard to do that, though, when I have no idea what she is thinking, whether she will be there when I can finally go to her.  She is so amazing, so incredible, so real, so beautiful, so unique.  I miss her so much I could cry a hundred times each day.