It only gets harder.

Yesterday was four weeks.  One would think that a person's feelings would begin to subside.  Mine have only gotten stronger.  I miss her every minute of every day.  I continue to reach for my BB to text her when I see things, then I catch myself.  It is hell.  I always wonder what she's thinking.  I constantly wonder if she wonders what I'm thinking, what I'm doing, if I still love her.  It kills me to know that, if she does still love me, that she is in confusion and does not know how much I miss her.  She must feel so hurt and so abandoned.  Each day it gets harder and each day I take a step closer in resolve to be with her.  I care less each day about the repercussions.  Life is short.  Mine is running out. This becomes more heavy in my mind with each day.  I don't know why no one else can see my longing and my futility in my current life and my fear of time running out.  They all stick to their old, standard rules for relationships.  Each day I get closer.  It's so hard to do that, though, when I have no idea what she is thinking, whether she will be there when I can finally go to her.  She is so amazing, so incredible, so real, so beautiful, so unique.  I miss her so much I could cry a hundred times each day.

Three weeks and two days.

I miss her so much.  It gets worse every day.

Hi.

Welcome.  For reasons which I will not articulate here, at least for now, I have discontinued expressing myself on my previous blog, La Analog Kid.  If you find my future posts of value or intrigue, I encourage you to view and digest my posts at LaAnalogKid, which can be found at http://laanalogkid.blogspot.com/.  This is about True Love and Simplicity.......................and Peace.  Not the peace of no war or conflict.  But the peace of finding your ONE True Love and of finding peace through simplicity.  The simplicity of seeing beauty in the smallest things in life.  The simplicity and peace of spending hours gazing into the beauty of the desert or the mountains. The simplicity and peace of looking into the eyes of your one true love and wanting nothing else.  The inner calm from cradling your one true love in bed in the nighttime darkness and feeling the world melt away.  LaAnalogKid only existed for a few months.  However, many of my posts there were my deepest thoughts regarding my search for one true love and peace.  I still believe in what I wrote there.  I still want others to read what I wrote there.  My heart still cries out for that one True Love.  She is out there.  She exists.

In time, I will repost some of my posts from LaAnalogKid here.  They need to be read and reread.  While I believe 99% of the population will find them useless and have no interest in or comprehension of what True Love or Simplicity or Peace mean, I hope that others in the 1% will find this blog and follow it...................and add their comments.  I do not have all the answers.  I want to hear from others who share my vision of finding.................no, finding AND experiencing.................that one True Love in life.

For reasons I will also not articulate right now, my heart is broken...............and it continues to break.  I feel my time is short.  I have lived 48 years searching.  Now, I feel time is running out on me.  I have so many regrets.  So many.  I do not want to be on my deathbed, looking back at an unhappy, unfulfilled life.  I also do not want to look back knowing I have failed to truly make someone happy and fulfilled.  Fulfillment does not come from self-gratification.  It comes from gazing into the eyes of one True Love and making her life one of fulfillment.  At 48, I can unequivocally say that I have brought happiness to no one but my beloved dogs which I have had through life.  But making someone else truly happy, in that regard, I have failed.  I have matured through life.  My desires have changed...............no, evolved.  At 48, I believe I have come to realize what True Love consists of.  I have come to realize and appreciate the peace that comes through simplicity.  Peace does not come through having wealth or things.  Peace comes through appreciating the very smallest things in life..................a super ball, a single can of beer, a mesquite tree along a mountain trail in the desert, the view from the bottom of a canyon in the high Southwest, living simply in a one room apartment in the bottom of an old three story house in a city neighborhood, surrounded by thousands and thousands of people all scattering in their quest for money and things, yet you are at peace in your little studio apartment, safe from the world.  How much more unbelievable to experience all this with your one True Love, your other half, the one who completes you and loves you unconditionally (That is not a question.  It is a statement.).

My blogs will be scattered and will often lack continuity.  I type as I think and many times, the thoughts will seem discombobulated.  The truth is, I am usually writing these posts under time constraints of being discovered by someone else.  So I type fast and do not necessarily review and edit.  I hope I am able to convey truth in them, though.  If you take nothing else from this first post, please dwell on what I wrote above, that being, true happiness comes from finding your one True Love, then making her the happiest, most peaceful girl in the world.  If you find her, and if she is truly the One, then every desire in your life will center around making her happy.  Oh how I long to see that in someone's eyes one day.  To see unspeakable happiness and an undying desire for me in her eyes.  My heart aches for it.  Please do not languish for 48 years like I have done and continue to do.  Seek peace, simplicity and True Love NOW.